Human
by Nodolfin
Summary: A little one-shot set after the events of episode 22. Levi's squad is gone, so tonight is the night for a drink. Fairly dark, implied LeviXPetra


**I was thinking about that one scene in episode 22 with Petra's dad the other day, and I realised the painful amount of feels that episode carried like feel plague. So…**

**Prepare for feels impact.**

* * *

After all that had happened that day, Levi thought he had the right to a drink.

The bar wasn't especially sanitary. Water from the pattering rain outside was dripping steadily onto the bar from the cracked ceiling, and the stone floors were un-swept and dotted with faint vomit stains. As Levi sipped at his mug, he regarded the door to the bathrooms, hanging ajar and wafting a foul smell of ass and piss that hung in the air like a bad joke at an aristocratic ball. The bartender himself wore an apron coated with dust and grime. He was wiping the inside of a glass that Levi was fairly sure had been cleaner before he had put that filthy rag inside it.

The Lance Corporal could afford to overlook a few things on that particular night though.

Staring down into the murky liquid, he could only think of his squad.

Gunther.

Eldo.

Oluo.

Petra.

He had been the one to visit each of their homes that night. The one to break the news to their relatives. Erwin had told him that the courier would deliver the news, but he had insisted on it being himself to do it.. It was the least he could do, after all.

He wasn't stupid. He knew it wasn't directly his fault. Levi never much cared for the ramblings and blubbering of the final member of a squad, proclaiming to the world that it was their fault that the others died, simply because they still lived.

It wasn't to say it didn't still hurt, though.

Levi's generally emotionless eyes darkened just a little, and he felt a hole in his chest. Gripping the glass mug tighter, he took a heavy swig. The vision of Eldo's mother flashed through his head. The way his sister's expression had dropped when he had finished speaking. Levi had let Eldo's mother and sister shed her tears into his coat. His mother had denied vehemently that it was Levi's own fault, for whatever reason.

Oluo. His mother had dropped the pot of food she had been dishing out for her children, and it had splattered all across the floor. Her husband had come in to check what their problem was, their youngest child sat on his shoulders. He ended up not needing to ask. Levi had always considered Oluo a clever individual above other things, and apparently it ran in the family, because his father had connected the dots instantly. He lifted the small child down from his shoulders and quietly ushered him out of the door without another word. Levi had soaped a rag from the sink and knelt down, cleaning up the stew at Oluo's mother's feet. She sat, stone faced, staring at the wall.

The woman had cursed Levi's name as he had walked out of the door. Oluo's father had eyed him with an understanding, mournful glance, and shook his head. The Lance Corporal knew what he meant. He gave a curt nod and made his exit.

Gunther. His father had taken a while to answer the door, shouting that he was on his way, but his age demanded time. He was obviously eager to see his son first, because Levi could see that his wife was moving hastily around their living room to tidy things up through their front window. When Gunther's father had swung open their front door, he had a look of excitement. Then confusion. Then, all too quickly; understanding. Levi had started to speak, but the old man held up a frail, slightly shaking hand in protest.

"It's okay my boy. I knew…I knew this day would arrive sooner or later." He had spoken with a sort of painful resignation.

"Would you like me to tell your wife?" Levi had asked, expression unwavering. The old man shook his head, putting on a kindly face even while Levi could see the glisten of tears in his eyes. Before Levi could leave, he put a hand on Levi's shoulder.

"Did he serve humanity well?" The man spoke in his husky, dried voice. Levi placed his hand on top of the one sat on his shoulder, and nodded.

"To the very end."

Gunther's father saluted him.

"Thank you, Captain Levi."

And with that, he closed the door.

Levi wasn't sure he wanted to ever remember what he knew his mind would make him see next.

_Petra._

Her father had been the first to approach him as they had re-entered the walls. Levi had paid close attention to every word he had spoken, and told him that they would speak further when they had stopped.

Petra's father had approached him with an anxious glint in his eye when the cart had finally stopped.

"Excuse me, Captain Levi, but where is my daughter? I haven't been able to find her among your men." He had fiddled with his hands, looking around still for his daughter. Levi sighed lightly.

"Mr. Rall, there is something you need to know—" Erwin had approached them, but Levi cut him off.

"Erwin. I will handle this."

Not wishing to argue with Levi in his current state, Erwin had left immediately to check on Eren.

"Handle what? Captain Levi, what are you talking about?" Something in the tone of the man's voice hinted that a tiny part of him already knew what had happened; he was just refusing to believe it.

"Petra was killed by an aberrant Titan in the line of duty. Her body could not be recovered." Levi spoke without missing a beat. The man laughed nervously.

"Captain Levi, I have never known you as one to jest…especially not at a time such as this. Now, where is Petra? I really must discuss a few things with her…Petra? Where are you?" Petra's father cupped his hands around his mouth and made to move past Levi, but the Lance Corporal had stopped him.

"I am sorry for your loss, Mr Rall."

Petra's father had pushed him roughly away, a slightly crazed look overtaking him.

"Captain Levi, this joke you are playing is not funny! Now, I must request that you let me see my daughter. Petra! Petra, come out, you're scaring daddy now!" He shouted into the crowd with a shaky voice. Levi saw Erwin and Eren give him a look that conveyed the utmost pity from Eren's cart. Even Mikasa looked a little upset for him. Levi moved in front of the man who was beginning to draw looks from the rest of the survey corps.

"Do not make this harder for either of us.'

The man shook his head, fear and sorrow filling his eyes in a horrible mixed drink that created the misty haze in his mind.

"No…no…Petra! Petra, where are you?! Petra?! PETRA!" He shouted, trying to make a dash for the carts. Levi held an arm strong around his waist. Petra's father fell back, sinking to his knees and running his hands through his hair. Fresh tears formed in his eyes, which snaked their way across his now pallid cheeks, splashing against the cobbled stone floor.

"Petra…you were all I had left…Petra…why?"

His sobs caused any words that left his mouth to devolve into incoherent blubbering. Levi watched him there for a few moments. When the man finally went silent, he stood without a word. Before Levi could act, Petra's father had snatched a rifle hanging from the side of one of the carts and made a break through a nearby alleyway.

Everyone had heard the gunshot that followed, but nobody wanted to think about what it meant. Two soldiers were sent from the convoy to take the body to a coroner. That wasn't the first time something like that had happened.

Levi could feel the hole in his heart combining with the alcohol in his system to break his steely resolve. His palm clenched into a fist around the crumpled piece of paper that had been the letter Petra's father had been holding when he first came to speak to Levi.

His head began to ache, and he stood up from the bar. Levi downed the rest of the drink, and dropped a few coins onto the dirty wood surface. The bartender nodded to him, and he turned, making his way past the rotted tables and chairs and out into the cold winds of the night.

* * *

The rain was chill on his body, numbing his skin and cutting into his bones. He barely had any idea where he was, but he was decided that it didn't really matter for that night. Levi wandered the streets aimlessly, head cast down and eyes at the floor. After a little while, he came to the gate out of Stohess. He could hear a few members of the Garrison inside the guard room.

"…and so, they didn't come back. Everyone in that special ops squad is dead apart from Levi himself."

"How'd you find that out?"

"Got a friend in the Scouts. He told me that Captain Levi gave the order to dump the bodies of his own squad."

"That's cold. But then, he is Levi…guy don't exactly act like a human."

"D'ya think there's anyone that he cares about?"

"Well, I heard through the grapevine about that girl in his Squad, Petra Rall. Apparently they were actually together…"

"And he just dumped her body like she was nothing? Sick bastard."

Levi just kept walking. He didn't stop to think about what he had heard, they were just idiots in the garrison who didn't know better than the daily gossip that was handed to them.

But there was something that hit him a little. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe this had been coming for a while, but…"

"_Guy don't exactly act human."_

Levi emerged out of the gate, and ambled over the stone arch bridge across the river. He stopped in the middle, leaning over the edge to look at his reflection in the water.

He looked plenty human.

But then again, so did Eren. So did the person who was inside the Female Titan.

Was human just someone who felt pain? Levi knew he was feeling pain right now.

His hand clenched harder around the letter. He pulled it up, and looked over it for a moment, stoic eyes barely wavering.

_Petra._

Her father was there, in his head.

"_Petra…you were all I had left…Petra…why?"_

Eldo's sister.

"_It's okay, C-Captain Levi...E-Eldo is in a b-better place…don't blame y-yourself…"_

Oluo's mother._  
_

"_You were supposed to take care of Oluo. He was in your squad…and now my son…my baby…he's…he's gone. It's your fault, you bastard!"_

Gunther's father.

"_It's okay my boy…I knew this day would arrive sooner or later."_

His head ached harder. He closed his eyes and grimaced, placing weathered, scarred palm to his forehead and leaning against the thick stone bridge for support.

"_People die every day Levi. You can't change that. What makes you think your squad are any more important than anyone else who dies? That her life was worth anything more? Nothing. So stop acting like a fucking idiot, pull yourself together."_

He shook his head, even denying himself.

"_No. They were important. They were family. I cared for all of them. We would have died for each other…and they did. I loved them. I loved her."_

His father's voice came back to him.

"_What, kid, you think I give a fuck? I couldn't care if you live or die. You aren't special, and neither am I. Neither is anyone else. The only way to survive in this world is to know that other people don't mean shit. If you're still standing when the sun goes down, then that day is a good day."_

"_Mom said that we're family, and that family care about each other."_

"_Well, that's because 'mom' is a naïve bitch. She doesn't know the difference between family and nature. It's called maternal instinct, kid. She's only protecting you because it's an instinct. You don't have a family, and anyone who pretends to be is a liar._

But he was wrong.

Eldo.

Gunther.

Oluo.

Petra.

They were his family. And they would always be. He remembered all that he had been present for. Oluo's admission into the squad at age eighteen, growing quickly from a slightly awkward teenager around his idol Captain Levi to a cocky bastard who ended up being nearly as skilled as himself.

Gunther and Eldo had been at odds at first. Each had hated the other's guts, but after Gunther saved Eldo from a certain death by an aberrant, they had grown to be friends, and eventually…brothers.

Petra.

She had been terrified of the skill that everyone in the squad possessed, thinking that she was nothing compared to them. He remembered her being so scared on her first expedition that she pissed herself mid-air. She refused to talk to anyone after that. Then, after about a day, she had approached Levi and stated that she wasn't fit to be in his squad at all. He had stopped her right then and there.

"What makes you feel you aren't up to the task?"

"Well…Sir…I can't ever hope to match you, or the others. I am skilled, yes, but not enough for the Special Operations squad. And I let my emotions overcome me on the battlefield…"

"Do you not think these things can be changed?'

"…What?"

"I do. I have seen your skill firsthand, but I know that you simply lack the conviction to use it. Things like this can easily be changed; you just have to be determined. Or you can give up, and spend the rest of your life cleaning the walls with the Garrison. Whichever you prefer. But you need to decide now, I don't like time being wasted."

Petra took on a panicked look once more, but took a deep breath, and steadied herself.

"…I'll…Okay. I'll stay with the scouts."

Levi couldn't regret the decision. It wasn't his to make. But he wondered at what things might have been if he had relieved her of duty there and then.

In the end, he was glad for her staying.

If she hadn't would he ever have realised that he could have love as others could? Maybe not.

Maybe it was selfish.

"_But does selfishness prove that in the end, I am only human?"_

A single tear slipped from his right eye. It dragged down the side of his face, and for a moment, it felt as though Petra were right in front of him, trailing her own warm hand across his sharp cheekbones. Then the tear was gone. Fallen from his face, it soaked into Petra's letter that was still held tight in his hand.

_It's just the alcohol._

Levi crumpled up the paper and dropped it into the river, silently making his way back across the cold stone bridge.

* * *

_Dear Dad_

_My squad is going out on the 57th expedition next week, so I won't get a chance to visit until after that, but as soon as we get back into Stohess I'll be straight there! We're as determined as ever to make progress outside of the walls, and I'm going to put everything I have into this. When I get back, I need to talk to you about a few things. Mainly, I think Levi is going to propose to me! He's been acting really strange around me lately and saying all sorts of weird stuff. I'll get more into detail when I see you next, but I'll stay safe, and see you as soon as I can!_

_Lots of love_

Petra

* * *

**Oh God why did I do that**

**I wrote this on my birthday, which was yesterday, for those who are interested (Total people interested: Me)**

**Sorry for the feels. But thank you for reading, and see you next time!**


End file.
